If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
