69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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