I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize