y did u give ur computer a hand job?
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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