Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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