I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
