this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
