Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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