All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
