$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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