his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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