Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
