Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
