census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Randomize
