Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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