you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
