i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize