and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Randomize
