after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I just blew my weed a kiss
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
