so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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