Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize