Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Randomize
