tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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