Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
