Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
