go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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