Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
