i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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