She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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