Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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