There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
