In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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