THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
