Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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