I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
