Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
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