You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize
