I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Another day, another engagement, another cat
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
