Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
