why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Randomize
