I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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