I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
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