she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
