ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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