I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
should my penis look like a turkey
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
