people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
