"it" just moved
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
3pm strippers are depressing
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
