FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
