Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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