if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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