How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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