Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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