I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
