I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
