this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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