So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
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