Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Randomize
