um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
