I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
