I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
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