I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
