I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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