wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
