I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
