sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
