Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
