I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
