Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize