I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
