very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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