so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
