I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
