We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize