Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Randomize
